The Lanky Physicist Conundrum
by bigbangbones83
Summary: Sheldon realizes Penny likes him, how will both of them proceed?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own The Big Bang Theory. Well, on DVD at least. No copyright infringement intended!_

_Author's Note: So I'm almost entirely new to this site and fan fiction as a whole. This is my first story, it's un-betaed (mostly because I don't know how to find one, help?), and is my first foray into Shenny. As the username suggests, I'm also a Bones fan so I'm not 100% up on the current season, but I tried my best. Hopefully you enjoy it!_

Sheldon Cooper was, in a word, frustrated. He was pacing, his gangly form nearly careening through the apartment, almost frantic. If he actually was the alien robot that his friends occasionally mused he was, he would likely be whirring in panic. It was Saturday, 6:05pm, laundry day. In two hours and ten minutes, it would be time to do his laundry, and he was out of detergent.

His routine was very important to him, and today was laundry day. Normally he would have Leonard drive him to store, but Leonard had left early that morning. He had even waited for a commercial break during Doctor Who, stood in front of the TV, and told Sheldon that he was not to call him unless there was emergency; adding that he meant a serious emergency only - fire or blood. Sheldon briefly considered lighting something on fire to force Leonard to return, but thought better of it.

He turned to the only logical conclusion; he would have Penny take him to the store. As he strode into the hallway, he remembered the way Penny had teased him when he locked himself out of 4A and hoped she wouldn't repeat the action. He could nearly hear her mocking tone about "forgetting" to buy detergent. He hadn't forgotten; he had an eidetic memory. He had merely been distracted, mostly due to Leonard's incessant whining.

He paused slightly when he heard noises indicative of conversation coming from 4B. He stilled, listening. He hadn't intended to eavesdrop – he simply had superior hearing – yet he couldn't seem to tear himself away from her door. He soon surmised that he was only hearing Penny's voice, and when paired with the pauses he was also noticing could only deduce that she was on the phone. Noting the time, she was likely making her weekly phone call home.

He remembered very clearly that she stopped by the apartment after a shift exactly seven weeks ago, engaging Leonard in some form of banal chit-chat. After a few minutes, she turned to leave stating, "Welp," popping the "p" in an irritating way, "I gotta go, need to make my weekly call to my folks. If they don't hear from me at least once a week they start to worry. See you guys later."

Sheldon was preparing to turn away and head back into his apartment when he heard something that caught his ear.

"No, Mom, my time in California has not made me lesbian, despite the fact that I currently don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean I've given up on men completely!" Sheldon listened to the pause then Penny resumed, "Well…yeah…there is a guy I kinda have my eye on, but he's next door and it would be so awkward, especially after last time."

Penny was planning on getting back together with Leonard. Sheldon felt a very curious sensation in his stomach. This was a feeling he was only accustomed to feeling in a professional setting, and even then not very often. In fact, the last time he has felt like this had been during Dennis Kim's visit to CalTech. He was jealous. "Why would I be jealous if Penny decides to resume her ill advised and doomed romantic relationship with Leonard?" Sheldon mused to himself. He came to the logical conclusion that Penny's presence in Leonard's life as a romantic partner disrupted his schedule in such a significant way that he was merely feeling jealous of sharing Leonard's time. Not that Leonard meant that much to him, but he was obviously jealous of Penny's ability to cause Leonard to abandon the schedule. Logically. What came next put logic on its head.

"No. Not him. God no! No, no, no, not again." Sheldon's stomach flipped. Occam's Razor suggested that Penny had just admitted (in a round-a-bout way) that she was interested in Sheldon. He was next door. "Again" disqualified Leonard as he was the one she had been previously involved with. Considering she even included Wolowitz and Koothrappali in the category of "next door" she had made it very clear that she found Howard's lascivious advances disgusting, and Raj could only speak to her when inebriated.

"Yeah, the tall one." Sheldon's stomach gave another odd lurch. This was a feeling he was almost entirely too familiar with. Satisfaction. This was even more troubling to Sheldon. Penny was expressing romantic interest in him and he felt himself feeling satisfied at the thought. He had no time or interest in those things! They distracted from work and spread germs. But he couldn't stop smiling as he headed back to 4A, laundry suddenly the furthest thing from his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Wow guys! Thank you so much. I'm EXTREMELY new to this site (I think I've had an account for about a week now) and the response to this has been overwhelming to me! I'm actually pretty nervous to continue the story now, I feel like I don't want to let you guys down! Thank you so much for the reviews and the story alerts and the favorites. I can't even put into words how warm and fuzzy it makes me feel! Again, this is un-betaed (if anyone would like to beta for me, please let me know and also let me know how it works, because I'm completely clueless) so there might be mistakes. Especially because this chapter is twice as long as the first and was written almost entirely at 2am because I couldn't sleep until I got it out. I really hope you enjoy it!_

_Disclaimer: I still don't own TBBT, but I do follow Bill Prady on Twitter. Maybe if I ask nicely he'll let me have it as a belated Saturnalia gift?_

Penny hated the early Saturday shift. It guaranteed that she wouldn't be able to go out the night before, she would _definitely_ have to be awake before 11, there was a good chance there would a birthday party with a bunch of kids hopped up on sugar while guilty part-time parents looked on, and, oh yeah, the tips sucked. But she worked the early shift to guarantee that she would be off in the evenings. Saturday was Laundry Night, and that was kinda their thing. Had been since she took every washer to screw with his schedule and he'd retaliated by stealing her underwear and sticking them on a power line 25 feet up.

Oh, at first it was more a realization that he stuck to his schedule like his life depended on it. Meaning that if she had a date or wanted to go out with the girls, she'd just need to start her laundry, wait for Sheldon, and ask him if he could "finish it up for her, just this once, oh pleasepleaseplease?" Initially he refused, because honestly, when had Sheldon ever agreed to do _anything_ the first time he'd been asked. Finally she got him to admit that they were friends and then reminded him that friends did favors for each other, it was a non-optional social convention. So when she'd come home way too late from another night out with a jerk or stumbled into her apartment bleary-eyed after last call there would be her laundry basket with her clothes neatly folded on her tidied up coffee table.

That only lasted a few months before she realized that she was being completely unfair and taking advantage of him. Mostly because he showed up at her door one night, an hour before Laundry Night time, asking if she was planning on engaging in her usual Saturday evening social activities and if so he'd prefer to simply pick up her laundry now, to at least be able to ensure that it received a proper wash cycle with similar colored clothes. Oof, had that one stung. After that she would join him for Laundry Night when she could, sometimes she'd have a shift at work, or later she would sometimes have a date with Leonard. But then things crashed and burned there and she was back to sitting on a dryer and irritating him every Saturday at 8:15.

She'd realized about six months ago that she'd fallen into a routine that, while it didn't mimic his, was eerily compatible. She found herself oddly happy when she was scheduled for the early Saturday shift and eventually requested it. It wasn't a hard shift to get because everyone knew that the real tips came from working Saturday nights. But Saturday night was Laundry Night. Which after the catastrophe with Leonard somehow expanded to Laundry and Movie Night. They took turns picking movies and it seemed that initially they were each trying the make the other suffer as much as possible with their selection. Eventually it had settled into a much more relaxed routine. While she still wasn't the sci-fi buff that he was and he still detested romantic comedies, it seemed to work.

So now every Saturday she'd work the early shift, come home, trudge up the stairs, take a shower, then lie on her bed and think about the week before. Well, that last step had always been in her routine. She called home once a week and she had always used the time after her shift to unwind and put all the pieces of her week in order to get ready for the phone call. She loved her family, but that didn't mean that she wanted to stay on the phone with them any longer than she had to and the best defense against that was to carefully weed through everything that had happened since their last phone call.

That was when the trouble all started. About two and half months ago she had been doing just that; mentally going through her week. She thought about the movie they had watched last week (Sheldon's choice, some crazy outer space science-y movie that she could barely keep up with, but still thought was pretty fun and funny), how she had kicked his ass Wednesday during Halo Night, and how he had come next door on Anything Can Happen Thursday for spaghetti with hot dogs. She remembered him telling her some complex science joke and she didn't remember what shocked her more, that it was funny or that she had actually gotten it. She broke into a peal of laughter after his "Bazinga" and she looked up to see him smiling. Not his usual, smug I'm-so-much-smarter-than-you smile or even the weirdly creepy smile she had seen when he had taken her to the ER when she dislocated her shoulder (yeah, she totally got why the other guys called it his "Kill Batman" smile after that), but a real, genuine smile. It even made his blue eyes crinkle up a little bit at the edges. She was thinking of his eyes when her stomach did that little _flip_ that it hadn't done in a _loooong_ time. She sat bolt upright, went completely still, and her eyes widened.

"FRAK!" When she realized what she had just said out loud, her eyes went even wider and she flopped herself over onto her stomach with a dramatic 'fwump' and exhaled. _Son of a bitch_. Did she have feelings for Sheldon? SHELDON? Sheldon, who ended up nearly banishing her from the apartment when she touched his onion rings, Sheldon? Sheldon, who detested physical contact, Sheldon? Sheldon, who had threatened to jump out the window if she used his toothbrush and then reminded her not to attend his funeral, Sheldon? This was a man that was so OCD and germaphobic that the only person that could even remotely compare was Adrian Monk, and he was a fictional character and whose idiosyncrasies were Sheldon Lite.

When had this happened? If she was honest with herself, there had been a spark that very first day. She spotted him, so tall (God, she always had a thing for tall guys), eyes so blue, clothes so weird. Then she spotted the whiteboard with all the weird symbols and things on it and realized that he was one of those scary brilliant guys. Then Leonard had whined, wanting her to focus on him. He didn't go all alpha male and try to get her attention back, he just went back to what he had been doing, unbothered. Then she realized the giant bag of crazy that accompanied Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, PhD and the spark died down (died out, she thought).

So Penny thought about Sheldon, the lanky whack-a-doodle next door. He was the single most difficult person that she had ever met in her life. He was rigid to his schedule, hated surprises, and was the least flexible person on the planet. He insulted her almost daily, but never in a purposeful or malicious way. When he said she had inferior intellect he hadn't meant it as a dig, he was merely stating a fact. He could say that to just about anyone in the world and be stating a fact. She realized that most of the time when she felt like he had insulted her, he was just stating the way things were. He couldn't help it that he had absolutely zero social grace and probably wouldn't know tact if it smacked him in the face.

Then she thought about his eyes, such an impossible blue and it always made her think of the sky back home. She thought about his Texas drawl, and the way he would add a sarcastic twang to his voice when he was mocking something or someone. She thought about how it only genuinely came out when his guard was down a little bit or he was really _feeling_ – tired, angry, excited, anything really. Thought about the way his voice made her think of home, even though they'd grown up a thousand miles apart.

He argued with her constantly, which was new. Usually she would just need to bat her eyes and lower her voice to that breathy, flirty tone and she could get whatever she wanted. But not with Sheldon. Once she got her curves, she wasn't used to having to do anything except put in the bare minimum. Other women let her slide because they assumed she was a dumb blonde and couldn't do any better. Men let her slide because they hoped she was a slutty blonde and they could get into her pants. Sheldon pushed her, demanded more, insisted on nothing but her best, and that was all that he expected from her. He didn't need her to be the sex kitten or the starlet or play any part, just be Penny. That's what she was to him; Penny. Not the waitress, not the easy party girl at the club, not the hot girl next door. She was just Penny.

Yup, she liked him. Crap. She might be a big ol' five and like a challenge, but this was a man that had no deal. He had never, not once in all the years that she'd known him, expressed romantic interest in a woman. Or a man. Or any living thing, for that matter. In fact, the closest he had gotten to a romantic relationship was whatever the hell he had going on with Amy right now. Even though he insisted that she wasn't his girlfriend every chance he got. He was overly literal, couldn't lie to save his life, and was the single most aggravating person she had ever met. He was also incredibly loyal, caring, sweet and funny (in his own way).

Three weeks ago, after Laundry and Movie Night she cried herself to sleep realizing she was in love with a man that could probably never love her back.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to get this third chapter up! Work's been kinda crazy this week. But the good news is, chapters 4 and 5 are done (and being beta-ed) and chapter 6 is in progress. Thank you ALL for all the story alerts, reviews, and favorites and thanks so much to Sarah for being a wonderful beta for me!_

_Disclaimer: Still don't own The Big Bang Theory, however much I wish I did._

Sheldon was safely back in 4A, mind racing. Penny had romantic feelings for him, and that knowledge did not displease him. Certainly if he can come up with an algorithm for friendship, he can figure this out. Half an hour later, he was still rooted in his spot, staring at his laptop, and finding nothing but some very crude websites that he was sure his mother would say make Jesus weep.

He could be attending to more important matters right now, and he eschewed romantic relationships for that very reason. Sheldon firmly believed that the world would be better if everyone spent more time focusing on important things and less time attempting to find a partner for coitus. Inferior libidos drove so many of his colleagues to distraction, and he was sure that he didn't want to join them. He remembered watching the size of his undergraduate class slowly dwindle as romance distracted them. He vowed then that base biological urges would never keep him from winning the Nobel Prize. Certainly Wolowitz would have his doctorate by now if he weren't constantly distracted by his own desires.

If he couldn't find an equation for romantic relationships, how was he to solve this problem? He briefly considered using his whiteboard to list the facts as he knew them but realized that he was unsure when Leonard would be home. Social constructs would rule that Leonard should have no knowledge about this particular subject matter, as it was unacceptable to pursue a friend's former paramour. Was he pursuing Penny? Was this even something he _wanted_ to pursue?

Pursue was not the correct word choice. Study? Understand? Yes, understand. He grabbed a composition notebook and began to write feverishly.

_Penny is romantically interested in me._

_I am satisfied by the idea of Penny being romantically interested in me._

_Penny is very aesthetically pleasing._

_Penny's highest completed level of education is high school, which took her four years to finish._

He continued to write and began adding small plus and minus signs to denote whether he construed each as a positive or a negative, adding the symbols to facts he had already listed. He quickly added pluses for his satisfaction with Penny's interest and her being aesthetically pleasing, a negative at her education level. It was the first item, however, that he couldn't quantify. Was it positive that Penny was attracted to him? He continued to add more items while he considered it.

_Penny has subpar cleaning and hygiene standards. (-)_

_Penny is caring and kind. (+)_

_Penny seems to continue to do things purposefully to aggravate me. (-)_

_Penny touches my food. (-)_

_Penny always gets my food order correct. (+)_

He thoughtfully tapped his pen to his lips, head tilted slightly and eyes narrowed in concentration as he continued. He noticed that the positives were increasing while the negatives would frequently have a positive attached.

_Penny comes in my room (but often to care for/comfort me) (-+)_

_Penny sings "Soft Kitty" for me. (+)_

_Penny makes Mom's spaghetti for me. (+)_

_Penny defeats me at video games (which makes her a worthy opponent). (-+)_

_Penny sits in my spot (but is able to tell others why they shouldn't). (-+)_

_Penny does not give in (which makes me respect more than the others). (-+)_

_Penny is one of my closest, if not my best, friend. (+)_

_Penny calls me Moonpie, even though I have repeatedly told her that only MeeMaw is allowed to call me that. (-)_

_Penny does not admonish my behavior as the others do. (+)_

_Penny adheres to my schedule. (+)_

He continued to write, adding what he felt were the two most important facts in large letters at the bottom of the second page.

_Penny is Leonard's ex. (-)_ He thought deeply about that one before adding two extra minuses. Social convention stated that this was very much against something Howard referred to as "the bro code."

_Penny will likely never understand my work (but also would never purposefully sabotage it). (-+)_

He kept pen to paper, completely losing track of time until he felt someone touch his shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Thank you ALL so much for the kind words and amazing feedback you've given me! As promised, here is chapter 4! Chapter 5 is being beta-ed and reworked right now and Chapter 6 is in the works so hopefully it won't take me forever to update. I'm definitely appreciating all the story alerts/favorites and of course the reviews! You've been super kind considering this is my first fic. This is definitely much better thanks to my awesome beta, Sarah!_

_Disclaimer: I only own The Big Bang Theory on DVD, but I DO have a birthday coming up, so who knows?_

It had been almost three months since Penny realized her feelings for Sheldon. What was she going to do? She could walk across the hall, throw herself at him, and kiss him senseless, but Sheldon would probably drink a gallon of mouthwash and sanitize the top layer of his skin off. She could wait for him to come to her by flirting and dropping hints until he realized it, but considering sarcasm went over his head unless someone held up a sign, she doubted that he ever would.

Her final option, and the one she ended up going with, was to ignore it and hope like hell it went away. If their elbows brushed a little more often while playing video games or she was glad when he chose a scary movie so she'd have a reason to grab his elbow, then so what? She was always touchy-feely with her friends. Just because she stuck to her new schedule that mirrored Sheldon's schedule didn't make her pathetic.

Penny busied herself in the laundry room, waiting for Sheldon to show up. She always made a point of beating him there by a few minutes. Somehow in her mind, that made it less sad, like they both didn't know that it was laundry night and that laundry night would turn into movie night. And now he was late. Sheldon's never late. Penny was starting to worry. In life, there were three things you can count on: death, taxes, and Sheldon Cooper's schedule. If Sheldon was late, there was a chance something major could be happening. She began the climb back up to the fourth floor to check on him, vowing to kick all four of them square in the ass for breaking the elevator.

"Sheldon, sweetie, are you okay? It's twenty after eight and you're not in the laundry room," she said as she cautiously opened the door, wondering if she should head next door and get her baseball bat first. _Oh dear Lord, please don't let me walk into the middle of them being robbed again_. Instead, she found Sheldon perched in his spot, furiously scribbling in a notebook. She walked over to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Sheldon, sweetie?" she repeated. He suddenly jerked around, eyes wide with fear, furiously clutching the notebook as he flew off the couch like he'd been burned.

"Penny, what are you doing here?"

"Sweetie, it's 8:20. I was worried you were stuck with one of your string thingies again or bleeding from the head. You're never late for laundry night."

"Oh. Yes. That," Sheldon said. "It would appear that I have neglected to replenish my laundry supplies, so I will be unable to do laundry this evening." Penny quickly ran that through her Sheldon to English translator; he didn't have detergent.

"Sweetie, if you're out of detergent, I could take you to get some."

"No, that would only further disrupt my already compromised schedule."

"And waiting another week to do laundry isn't? If you really don't want to go out, why don't you just borrow some of my detergent?" She winced, regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. She might love the whackadoodle, but that didn't mean she wanted a 15-minute lecture on how you couldn't actually borrow something that would be consumed and how her cleaning products were so substandard that she might as well not even bother adding her inferior detergent to her laundry. She opened her eyes to see Sheldon observing her, blinking.

"Yes, Penny, I believe that would be an acceptable solution." Sheldon nodded and turned toward his room to retrieve his dirty clothes. "Lead the way." They quickly made their way to the laundry room, where Sheldon began carefully adding his pre-sorted laundry into his preferred machines, which Penny always kept clear for him. Penny turned to her machine, not really paying attention to Sheldon and shimmying to music that only she could hear. Once Sheldon had finished adding his laundry to the machines, he turned toward Penny, completely taken with long tan legs, swaying hips, and the sliver of her back that peeked out in between her short shorts and tiny tank top. Physics, biology and chemistry all crash-landed together, and the brilliant mind of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper ground to a halt.

Before he even had a chance to catch up he found himself asking, "Penny, if one wishes to add a romantic aspect to a current platonic relationship and shift the friendship paradigm, how would one go about that?"

Penny turned from her washer, mouth moving between opened and closed silently. When she didn't answer him, Sheldon continued.

"I'm given to understand that it is considered inappropriate to simply tell someone, but that one is supposed to, in the vernacular, 'woo' the woman he is pursuing?" he added a slight uptick to the end of his sentence, suddenly unsure if he was doing the right thing. He knew asking Penny about her own courting preferences was not the desired method, but he saw no other way to guarantee success. Leonard clearly had no clue given his own unsuccessful relationship with Penny, and Leonard was the only one of his friends other than Penny that he would be remotely comfortable asking such a question.

Penny finally found her voice, "Sweetie, that's a good question, but I really - I just can't tonight. Maybe later, okay? I'm – I'm not feeling too good, so I'm going to go back upstairs and go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She skirted past him before he had a chance to ask any more questions. As she darted up the stairs, her eyes began to fill with tears. _Sheldon has a deal, and it's not me._ The thought ricocheted through her head as she flung herself onto her bed and cried until she fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Thank you SO much! I apologize that I kinda stink at replying to reviews, but please know that I GREATLY appreciate all of the great reviews and story alerts that you guys have given me! They're addicting and I feel like I'm hooked on reviews! Also, I'd like to apologize in advance to stock2007 – this is another "down" chapter, and there will be a fair amount of Sad!Penny in the upcoming chapters, but the next two are "Sheldon" chapters (almost done with 6 now, so apologies, the Sheldon chapters take me longer to write than the Penny ones). And as always, huge thanks to Sarah, my beta._

_Disclaimer: I still don't own The Big Bang Theory. Sad._

Penny woke up the next morning feeling like her head was full of cotton. She groaned into her pillow and wondered if she would be able to smother herself with her stuffed bears. The events of last night played on repeat through her mind. Sheldon was asking for her help to woo a woman. She could either go back to bed for the rest of the day, or it could be junior rodeo on.

She hopped out of bed, deciding to face the day with new resolution, but she was halfway to her front door when she faltered. Sheldon Cooper had a deal after all, and he'd even mentioned a woman. But how did _Penny _become that woman? With most men, she'd throw on something short and low cut, but Sheldon had already seen her naked ass and grabbed her boob. Skimpy clothing wasn't going to work.

She had her hand on the doorknob, ready to march across the hall when Sheldon's words hit her like a freight train. _"Penny, if one wishes to add a romantic aspect to a current platonic relationship and shift the friendship paradigm, how would one go about that?"_ Her mind just chanted "romantic" to her, over and over. Sheldon hadn't said physical, or carnal, or even coital.

Romantic.

Penny had done many things she wasn't proud of, like dry humping Lisa Peterson's boyfriend in 11th grade, but she wasn't going to screw this up for Sheldon. She couldn't. He was genuinely interested in Amy and throwing herself at him would just confuse and hurt him. At least she hoped it was Amy and not another grad student Penny shuddered slightly remembering the redhead that Sheldon had tried to hide from in her apartment.

She turned around, back to the door, and slid down until she was resting on her haunches. She started to bang the back of her head lightly against her door. Not only was the guy she loved interested in someone else, but now she was going to have to teach him how to be romantic. Part of her thought about giving him horrible advice and then being there to pick up the pieces when he crashed and burned, but that was so small and petty that she was honestly disappointed in herself for even thinking of it.

She was going to be a good friend to Sheldon, so she did what any good friend would: stood up, brushed herself off, and prepared to head next door to teach Sheldon how to flirt. If she weren't so upset, she would have burst out laughing at the idea of Sheldon flirting with anyone. She gave a cursory knock at his door before pushing through. She put on her brightest smile as she entered.

"Whaddup, Moonpie? So you wanna learn to pitch some woo, huh?"

"Firstly, Penny, no one calls me Moonpie except MeeMaw. Secondly, yes, and I trust you are feeling better today?" Sheldon's head tilted in his typical curious fashion, like he was studying her to be certain that she actually was feeling better and wasn't going to give him a communicable disease. She noticed he was nervously toying with a bottle of hand sanitizer and that the Lysol was on the kitchen counter at the ready.

"Yes, Sheldon," she said, stressing his name. "I'm fine. I just had a bad headache last night," He gave a slight nod, showing that he was satisfied with the answer and placed his bottle of hand sanitizer back into his pocket. She sucked in a deep breath and slowly exhaled it.

"Alright, Sheldon, I'm going to teach you how to be a romantic. First things first, be yourself. You're irritating and chap the ass of almost every person you meet, but whoever this lucky girl is, she's going to have to love you for who you are, are we clear on that?" Sheldon nodded as meekly as Sheldon Cooper could do anything. "Well, we can cross pretty much everything physical off the list, so that leaves us with all the non-physical ways you can let a girl know you're interested."

Sheldon made a slight humming noise, as if he had started to say something but changed his mind before he actually got it out. She shot him a look, eyebrow slightly raised, challenging him to continue.

"Now, what you need to do is make this girl feel special. There are lots of ways you can do that. You can do nice things for her. Like, if she's had a bad day, listen to her and try to cheer her up. Help her celebrate her successes. Learn what things she likes and surprise her with them, like her favorite ice cream or her favorite flowers. Share things you're interested in with her, but don't force them on her. Try to show interest in the things she likes, but don't force it or she'll just think you're being a jerk." He just sat and listened, eyes never leaving Penny.

"The," Sheldon began, before pausing to clear his throat slightly, "The physical stuff you mentioned, what is it?"

Penny felt like she'd been socked in the gut. Not only was Sheldon interested in wooing Amy, but he was also thinking about being physical. She took another deep breath to steady herself before beginning.

"Uh…well…you should probably start small with things like comforting pats, and hugs, and maybe holding hands?" She ended the sentence uncertainly, mostly because she wasn't sure if Sheldon was even capable of holding hands.

"Thank you, Penny," Sheldon said, nodding. "Your assistance should be most helpful."

She felt her breath hitching around the lump forming in her throat and the pinprick of tears stinging her eyes. Trying to keep her voice as even as possible, she told Sheldon that she hoped he was successful before fleeing back to her apartment. She was elbow deep in her freezer grumbling as she searched for a pint of Ben and Jerry's and hoping her "bestie" appreciated everything she was doing for her.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: THANK YOU! You have all been SO kind to me and I've been completely overwhelmed with all the story alerts and reviews that you've given me. It is amazing and heartwarming and all other kinds of warm fuzzies! Sorry Chapter 6 took a while, I've found that it's really difficult for me to transition from Penny to Sheldon, and vice versa mostly because I kinda get on a roll in a certain characters voice and it can be tough to switch. The good news is Chapter 7 is ALMOST ready and even though I'm kinda stuck on Chapter 8, I have tomorrow off to figure it out!_

_Disclaimer: Still don't own any of this, which is sad, because I like Fiesta Ware too, Chuck Lorre._

The next week seemed perfectly ordinary to Sheldon. Penny served his burger on Tuesday evening, their team was victorious on Halo Night, he enjoyed pizza from Giacomo's with everyone on Thursday, and he met Penny on Saturday for Laundry and Movie Night. Sheldon wasn't observant enough of human emotions to notice that Penny's smile didn't quite reach her eyes, she had barely contributed to the Halo win, and she actually had her laundry sorted. She had been in a funk for a week.

Sheldon took his time; having never pursued a romantic relationship before, he was understandably nervous. He was unsure if he should continue, despite Penny's attractiveness and his fondness for her. Sheldon even penned a quick letter to his MeeMaw seeking advice before throwing it out, lest he be subjected to torment from his family in the form of letters and phone calls squealing that "Shelly likes a girl!" He was so flummoxed that he even briefly reconsidered asking Leonard for help.

Even though he had heard her admission of feelings, there was room for error. Perhaps there was a tall gentleman who worked at an establishment next door to The Cheesecake Factory that she was taken with. He decided he would proceed slowly and follow Penny's advice to the letter. He would begin with showing interest in things she liked and the perfect opportunity presented itself during Laundry and Movie Night.

Sheldon quickly deposited his laundry in his room while Penny waited on the couch. He suggested that they watch the movie at his apartment tonight since Leonard would be out late with Howard and Raj. He waved the video store bag around with a great flourish.

"Penny, in light of your excellent selection of 'Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World' two weeks ago, I have selected a movie this week that I believe you will greatly enjoy." He stepped squarely in front of the screen, blocking her view while he set up the Blu-Ray player. He knew he had made an excellent choice as this movie contained one of Penny's favorite actresses, and he was certain that even if she had seen the movie before she would not be opposed to a repeat viewing.

He settled into his spot, knowing that he would likely not enjoy this movie, but that Penny would and that it would show her that he was putting in the effort. After the production company logos and title cards played, four women attired in dresses began singing "Wishin' and Hopin'" which gave way to Julia Roberts and Rupert Everett in a restaurant.

"I…wha-…Sheldon, what is this?" was all Penny managed to get out, mouth hanging open and eyebrows drawn together.

"This," Sheldon said with a sweeping motion to the TV, "is the 1997 romantic comedy 'My Best Friend's Wedding' starring Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney." Sheldon smirked. He had managed to pick a movie that Penny hadn't seen.

"Yes, Sheldon, I'm aware what movie it is. I'm just not sure why you picked it."

"As I said, I picked it becau-" was all Sheldon got through before Penny interrupted him.

"Yeah, I know, I did a good job two weeks ago, but why," she emphasized, "this movie." Sheldon hadn't planned on needing an explanation, assuming that the gesture of selecting a movie of this genre would be sufficient.

"I chose this movie because it is my understanding that you enjoy romantic comedy movies as well as the works of Julia Roberts. I was also given to understand that women were fond of both their best friend and weddings. While I admit that I am aware of the statement 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride,' I did not believe it would hold true in a fictional scenario."

Penny closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, baffled. Sheldon did not know the plot of this movie. He had just seen a DVD with Julia Roberts face on the cover and assumed it would be a perfect choice. He eyed Penny suspiciously as he settled in to his spot, unsure if he should continue the movie.

He stole looks at Penny throughout the movie, glancing at her as she sat hugging her knees to her chest. She was crying somewhat, which initially did not puzzle or alarm him; he remembered his Mom and Missy crying while watching similar movies. What concerned him was that she was crying when the movie did not seem particularly sad. He turned his focus to the TV, wondering if he was perhaps missing something. He felt the couch cushion next to him begin to move and heard Penny's sniffling. He looked at her and noticed she was crying in earnest now.

"Penny, why are you upset?" Penny hiccupped and motioned toward the TV.

"It's just, ya know, so sad. I mean, poor Julianne, she's completely in love with Michael and she realizes it too late like an idiot, and now he's got someone else and that just leaves her with her gay friend George." Sheldon nodded but remained silent, which Penny took as a sign to continue.

"And, stupid Kimberly. I mean, she's completely wrong for Michael but they're both too selfish to realize it! Michael should be with his best friend. She knows him better than anyone. She loves him." The last part came out as a wail as Penny began to sob. Sheldon froze in panic. He had seen Penny cry before, but never quite this hard and never over something so trivial. He looked around the room quickly, almost as though confirming they were actually alone before acting on another piece of Penny's advice.

"There, there. Sheldon's here," he said as he patted her shoulder in his most comforting manner. Penny just wailed louder and cried harder. Sheldon was rooted to his spot in absolute bewilderment.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: Thank you guys! I'm in the process of finishing Chapter 8 as we speak, but I'm totally pumped for this chapter. It's my longest Sheldon chapter to date and I can't thank my beta Sarah enough for all her help. Hope you enjoy it!_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own The Big Bang Theory._

Sheldon's schedule had been horribly disrupted this week. Penny picked up an evening shift on Wednesday, making her unable to join them for Halo Night. He had teamed with Raj, and his defeat without Penny astounded him. A text Thursday afternoon would prove to further disorder his schedule:

_Can't do spag n hot dogs 2nite. Maybe l8r? – P_

The spelling and grammar was appalling enough, but he found himself genuinely upset that Penny had cancelled. He had found himself preoccupied with memories of her distress during the movie and had been looking forward to an opportunity to discuss it with her. No matter how much he pondered it, he could not figure out why she had been so upset. He held his phone idly and frowned into space when Raj entered the office.

"Dude, what's up?" Raj said. Sheldon merely made a noise that showed he was deep in concentration.

"Sheldon," he said, finally catching his attention, "you're holding your phone and staring like you're trying to burn a hole in the wall. Is something wrong?" Sheldon sighed. Admitting that Penny had cancelled on him meant admitting his plans with her in the first place. Suffering through the guys' supposedly good natured ribbing would just add insult to injury at this point.

"Raj," Sheldon said, "are you familiar with the movie 'My Best Friend's Wedding'?" Raj only nodded mutely, stunned by the non-sequitur.

"I'm given to understand that, while a 'tearjerker'," Sheldon said, adding air quotes, "it should not render a viewer upset to the point of heavy sobbing. Do you know why a woman might have such a strong reaction?" Raj tilted his head quizzically and stared at Sheldon for several seconds before answering.

"I guess if she was in the same kind of situation, she'd be pretty upset." Sheldon's face narrowed in concentration, and he began to nod slowly.

"Who was crying?" Raj interjected suddenly.

"Oh. Penny and I watched it Saturday after finishing our laundry, and she seemed most upset. I have been trying to find a reason behind it for the last few days, and I have to admit that your theory is the most plausible of the ones I had considered."

"So you were trying to think your way to laser vision because you couldn't figure out why Penny was crying?"

"Yes," Sheldon replied as though the answer should have been obvious.

"And you're holding your phone because?" Curse his inability to lie. At least Koothrappali would be the least obnoxious of his friends.

"As tonight is 'Anything Can Happen Thursday' and you'll no doubt be joining Leonard and Wolowitz at a bar to troll for women, I had made my usual plans to spend the evening with Penny which she just cancelled via text," he said, shaking the hand that currently held his phone. A myriad of expressions that Sheldon couldn't decipher flashed across Raj's face.

"Usual plans?" Raj said, shocked. "Since when is you spending the evening with Penny usual plans?"

"I don't understand your confusion, Raj. Penny is nearly always at the apartment, and we frequently spend evenings with her." His head tilted in his typical praying mantis fashion.

"Well, yeah, but you and Penny alone? How long has that been going on?"

"Since Penny and Leonard ended their relationship eight months, two weeks, and four days ago." Raj smiled widely and bobbed his head.

"You and Penny, huh? What do you guys do?"

"Most often we have spaghetti with cut up hot dogs and Mama Italia Marinara sauce and talk."

"Really," Raj said, genuinely curious. "What do you two talk about?" Sheldon barely tolerated spending time him and the rest of the guys, yet now he's had secret talks and dinners with Penny.

"She tells me about her day at The Cheesecake Factory and her family in Nebraska, and I tell her about my various social interactions and my work." Raj broke into a knowing grin. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Oh, I just didn't realize you were dating Penny, that's all." Sheldon sputtered indignantly, and Raj simply grinned wider.

"Dating...Penny? Well, that's just insane on the face of it!" Sheldon screeched. He twitched in what Raj could only guess was part rage, part lie. He grinned even wider, deciding he had teased Sheldon enough.

When he arrived home that evening, Sheldon decided that he must speak to Penny even though she had cancelled on him. He shrugged his messenger bag off his chest on the floor by his desk before heading next door. Sheldon walked up to the door, alternating between knocking his three customary times and saying Penny's name.

He shifted anxiously on his feet while waiting for Penny to answer. He could hear slow, quiet music coming from her apartment.. He had heard music coming from her apartment before, but usually something with a repetitive thumping bass beat before heading out to a club. Sometimes there would be an upbeat song similar to the one Penny had sang along to when she danced in their kitchen while making French Toast. When Penny had learned that Leonard had engaged in coitus with another woman the music had been angry and loud. But he had never heard slow music like this from her apartment before. It sounded eerily similar to Leonard's post break-up music, though not as whiny.

"What, Sheldon?" Penny said as she jerked open the door. She was wearing a short robe with her hair piled messily on her head. Her green eyes were dull and red-rimmed. Glancing over her shoulder, he saw an empty carton of ice cream laying on its side on her coffee table. He could hear the music more clearly now that the door was open and vaguely recognized the final notes of a song. He opened his mouth, but before he could form the first word, the music shifted to a sad piano. Suddenly Sheldon was a thousand miles away.

_A radio crackles with static and old country songs in the corner. Nine-year-old Sheldon Cooper stood in a hot kitchen that smelled like cookie dough, sugar, and cinnamon. A kindly gray-haired woman stood next to him. They wore matching aprons with a garish floral print and laughed before the mood suddenly turned more serious._

"_Oh, my little Moonpie," she said, patting a chair at the kitchen table for him to sit down._

"_Yes MeeMaw." He sat, obediently._

"_I love you, Moonpie. You know that, but all of my love isn't going to make things any easier for you," she said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You know you're different, and that's gonna make an awful lot of people mad. They'll be jealous that you know so many things and that you learn 'em without working near as hard as everyone else. They're gonna say nasty things to you to try and hurt you for being so smart, but I'm telling you now that you just need to pay it no mind. Let it roll off your back like water off a duck. You'll find people that'll appreciate you for who you are, so don't go trying to change for people that don't matter."_

_Sheldon nodded, and they stood to take the snicker doodle cookies out of the oven. As Sheldon reached for the first cooling cookie, Patsy Cline crooned from the radio in the corner._

_Crazy_

_I'm crazy for feeling so lonely_

_I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue_

_I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted_

_And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new_

_MeeMaw's eyes began to water, and she intercepted Sheldon's hand and pulled him into a tight hug. At nine, he was already nearly the same height._

"_This was me and your Pap's song. Did you know that, Moonpie?" Sheldon shook his head. "Be a dear and dance with an old woman to her favorite song." Sheldon simply nodded and began to twirl MeeMaw around the kitchen delicately._

"-eldon, are you okay?" Hearing Penny's voice, he blinked rapidly, suddenly back to the present. "Sheldon, sweetie, are you alright?"

"Yes, Penny. I am fine," Sheldon said, but his eyes were glassy and wide, appearing almost manic. Clearing his throat slightly, he continued. "This is my MeeMaw's favorite song." With that, he turned on his heel and bolted for his own apartment. Penny stood in her doorway, staring after him. Flabbergasted, she returned to her own apartment while Patsy finished her song.

_Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you_

_I'm crazy for trying_

_And crazy for crying_

_And I'm crazy for loving you_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: If you recognize anything, I don't own it. Sadly._

_Author's Note: I promised I didn't forget about you! Thank you for ALL the response to this in the form of reviews, alerts, and favorites and also the favorable response to "5 Times"! You guys are seriously the best! I apologize if this chapter isn't as grammatically tight as others, it's unbetaed. So without further ado…_

This week had been absolute crap. Penny wasn't sure how, but somehow that Saturday night had managed to be worse than walking in on Kurt cheating, her second and final break up with Leonard, and when her childhood dog Betsy had to be put down all rolled together. If she didn't know Sheldon so well, she would have thought he was being intentionally cruel.

She barely left her bed Sunday and only managed to shuffle out to her couch on Monday. She had to leave the apartment Tuesday for work and she almost lost her job when she spent twenty minutes in the walk-in crying after the guys left. That's how she ended up working the Wednesday night shift. If she was being honest she was relieved to get away. Away from Sheldon and her apartment. She finally started to feel better on Thursday until someone ordered a barbecue bacon cheeseburger. That's when she made the decision to cancel on Sheldon that night – she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it.

Of course, Sheldon was never one to listen and he came over anyway then freaked out and ran away, leaving her to her Thursday night wallowing. She needed more time to deal with this.

She sped down the stairs the next morning, running late for an audition. She broke nearly every traffic law to get there and practically screeched into the parking lot on two wheels and then the director had the nerve to tell her she needed to lose at least ten pounds. When she returned to the apartment building, she stomped angrily up the stairs, swearing. She saw Sheldon stick his head out the door, confused at the sudden commotion in the hallway.

"Penny, are you suffering some sort of distress?" Sheldon asked.

"You're damn right I'm suffering distress," she snarled as she kicked her front door. She unlocked it and threw it open so hard that it bounced off the wall. Sheldon followed her uncertainly.

"That, that JERK!" she bellowed. Sheldon just looked at her curiously. "The director told me that I needed to lose at least ten pounds." Sheldon just tilted his head and blinked at her, and she really didn't feel up to being studied today. "Look Sheldon, I'm sorry, I just really can't do this right now." With that she motioned toward her door.

"Certainly Penny," he answered with a nod, and was out the door. Forty-five minutes later she heard his usual knock. She dutifully waited for the last 'Penny'. To be honest, she felt guilty that she kicked him out of her apartment. It wasn't his fault that the director was an asshole.

"Hey, Sheldon. I just wanted-"

"Here," he said as he thrust a small paper bag toward her. "I believe this may help with your earlier distress." Penny's brows crinkled in confusion as she wordlessly accepted the bag from Sheldon. Sheldon didn't give gifts. She unrolled the top of the bag and pulled out a carton of fat-free ice cream.

"SHELDON, WHAT THE HELL?" she bellowed. Right now she wanted nothing more than the dump the ice cream on his head. Was he _agreeing_ with that director? Did he think that Penny needed to lose weight? That rat bastard. Her face was pulled into a scowl and her eyes glared at the tall man in front of her. He wore an expression that was a mix between 'complete uncertainty' and 'absolute terror'. It wasn't often that Sheldon Cooper was at a loss for words, but this appeared to be one of those times.

"I-I-I," he stammered.

"Sheldon. Why did you get me this?" Penny asked, each word heavily punctuated through gritted teeth. She was trying not to kill him. Sheldon simply stood there wide-eyed and twitched. She slowly let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She shouldn't be mad at Sheldon; he probably didn't even realize what he'd done.

"You suggested that you needed to lose-"

"OUT! GET OUT!" Penny screamed. Sheldon almost looked like he was going to argue with her, but thought better of it, wanting to avoid a physical assault that he was sure was imminent. He flailed in place before he bolted.

Her anger was forgotten the next day as she skipped up the stairs, returning from another audition. Sheldon was in the hallway when she reached the fourth floor landing. He yelped and jumped toward the door, scrambling to get away from blonde.

"Sheldon!" He was actually so nervous that he fumbled at the doorknob and dropped his keys.

"Penny, I realize that I may have crossed a line last night."

"Nah, forget about it Sheldon, if anything I should be thanking you. I was so pissed at you when I went to my audition this morning that it apparently showed. I got cast in 'The Taming of the Shrew' as Katherine," she bounced excitedly on her heels and without thinking it through grabbed him around the neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Sheldon made a noise that could only be classified as a squeak and went ramrod stiff. She was horrified at what she had just done. She pulled back until her hands rested on his forearms. "Sheldon, sweetie, I am so sorry. I just got caught up in the moment." Other than the squeak, Sheldon hadn't made a sound. And he still wasn't moving. She pulled back further to let him go when suddenly his hands were awkwardly pressed into her back and his elbows jutted out at her sides. Sheldon was hugging her! Her mind was spinning at the contact and she was having trouble processing what was happening. Then he dipped his head down awkwardly and whispered in her ear.

"Congratulations, Penny." It was her turn to squeak. He let go and backed away and she thought he knees were going to give out. Her voice came out oddly high and cracked.

"Th-Thanks Sheldon," she stammered out as she backed into her front door. She scrambled into her apartment and flattened herself against the door, nearly panting.


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: I don't own Big Bang Theory, except on DVD._

_Author's Note: First, let me apologize that it's taken me SO long to get this next chapter up. Things have been sort of nutty and I've barely had time to read, let alone write. And things will likely be getting crazier. Hopefully I'll have time to finish this soon. Just a few more chapters and we should be done. Second, thank you ALL for your kind words, reviews, alerts, and favorites. They really make me smile!_

Sheldon entered his apartment, lightly cupping his cheek. Penny had _kissed_ him. Given her propensity towards physical affection with friends, he was unsurprised; it was his reaction that was puzzling. Normally he would enter into a panic about close physical contact and pathogens. For a transgression along these lines, strikes would be issued or perhaps an instant banishment. Instead, he had hugged her and was now sitting on his couch, his lips quirked in a slight smile, while his cheek tingled. That was how Leonard found him when he returned from running an errand.

"Hey Sheldon, sorry it took me so long, traffic was – are you okay?" He had just noticed that Sheldon was sitting completely still, in the _middle_ of the couch, and staring blankly ahead.

"Leonard, Penny kissed me," Sheldon stated flatly, as though he was telling Leonard that water was wet.

"Catch me up?" Leonard couldn't help the small note of panic that crept into his voice.

"I apparently crossed a line last night and made her most upset, and she channeled that anger into her audition today, was cast in a production, and in her jubilation she kissed me."

"Oh," Leonard said as he visibly relaxed, almost laughing. Then terror crossed his face again. "Oh God Sheldon, you didn't banish her again, did you?" He was crossing back toward the door, no doubt to stop World War III.

"Of course not, Leonard!" At that Leonard relaxed again, noting that Sheldon was indeed sporting a slight lipstick print on his left cheek. He was disheveled and, Leonard could see, clearly disconcerted. Leonard turned toward the door again.

"Hey, I'll just talk to her, you know, let her know that she can't do that."

"That won't be necessary, Leonard," Sheldon intoned. Surely her reaction of running away after his hug meant that she had regretted her actions? This was proving to be most difficult.

"Oh God Sheldon! What did you do?" Leonard was panicked again. If Penny wasn't banished for kissing Sheldon, then she either had earned some serious strikes or perhaps Sheldon had finally snapped and killed her.

"I didn't _do_ anything, Leonard," Sheldon replied with only a slight twitch. "I believe my reaction was sufficient enough that the action will not be repeated." Leonard crossed fully into the living room and flopped down on the chair when Sheldon suddenly stood. "If you'll excuse me Leonard, I need to conduct some research with Koothrappali. Normally I would ask you to drive me, however I would like to use the time that the walk there will take to prepare. I will have him drive me home when we have finished. I will return in time to do my laundry. Good afternoon." He left Leonard gaping and confused as he grabbed his keys from the bowl and strode out the door.

Sheldon knew that logically he should have spent the walk to Raj's coming up with a convincing story for what he about to ask, but he couldn't seem to stop his mind from swirling with thoughts of Penny. This was not going well. He had gotten advice on wooing directly from her, yet every time he tried, Penny's reaction was decidedly negative. He had been cried on, yelled at, and ran away from. While Raj's selective mutism did not make him the ideal to ask for advice, he was the trustworthiest. Sheldon also didn't have to worry about Penny extracting the information from Raj unless she poured a gallon of beer into him first. He was still musing on that when he arrived at Raj's. Raj pulled the door open as soon as Sheldon finished knocking.

"Dude, what's up?" Raj seemed unsurprised to find Sheldon at his doorstep. Presumably Leonard had called ahead and warned him of Sheldon's arrival.

"Raj, as much as it pains me to say this, I need your assistance with some research. My own methods have yielded what is apparently faulty data." Raj simply bobbed his head and motioned Sheldon into his apartment. He moved into a corner to grab his whiteboard when Sheldon interrupted him, "That won't be necessary."

"What kind of research are we doing?" Raj asked, unsure if he should be intrigued or terrified. Sheldon let out a sigh.

"I need to do research about women." Raj responded with a strangled noise from the back of his throat. "Oh, please Raj. While your selective mutism does make you a less than desirable choice, you do consume an inordinate amount of pop culture directed towards women. Certainly you've managed to glean some useful information from all of that tripe." Raj blinked rapidly at Sheldon while he found his bearings.

"Women? Something you wanna tell me, dude?" Sheldon's jaw worked and his eye twitched slightly. He could attempt to lie or he could fess up and get the ridicule out of the way. He cleared his throat slightly before he began.

"Yes Raj, I have found myself in a situation which necessitates that I woo a woman. I am apparently failing spectacularly at it and I need your assistance." Raj broke into a wide grin and nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Penny, huh," Raj said, without a hint of question to his voice. Sheldon's face convulsed and he curled and uncurled his hands in and out of fists at his sides. He didn't know if he should be furious at Raj's presumption or at his own apparent transparency.

"Yes," Sheldon edged out through his clenched jaw. He braced himself for the inevitable mocking that Raj would soon levy at him.

"Okay, so what can I do to help?" Raj asked sincerely. Thanks to his mutism he was able to really observe people around Penny and he had noticed that things had changed, ever so slightly, between the two of them recently. A firm believer in true love, Raj was interested to see how this shift would ultimately pan out. Plus, no matter how indirectly, Sheldon was his boss and he didn't want to do anything that could potentially endanger his job.

"As I stated previously, you consume a lot of pop culture geared towards women, perhaps you could share some of that 'knowledge' with me?" Sheldon asked, somewhat sarcastically, as he made a grand gesture of the air quotes around 'knowledge'. Raj strode over to the shelf containing his DVDs, gathered several titles into his arms before returning to dump them somewhat unceremoniously on the coffee table.

"Alright, these are all the rom-coms I own, take your pick!" Raj stated while beaming proudly. The guys might mock him for his taste in movies, but he knew that if he ever got to the point where he could speak to a woman without being drunk, it would come in handy. Sheldon began picking through the titles, his face scrunched in distaste. He refused some of the movies based on the titles alone.

"_My Big Fat Greek Wedding_, Raj, neither Penny nor myself is Greek or overweight! _Pretty Woman_? I am not a millionaire and Penny is not a prostitute. _Ghost_! Now you're just being ridiculous, Raj." Sheldon continued to toss the movies he deemed unnecessary into a pile.

"Okay, dude. How about this one? _When Harry Met Sally_. They start out as friends and become more – sound familiar?" Raj asked, his exasperation with Sheldon clearly showing. Sheldon responded with a curt nod, and Raj prepared the Blu Ray player. Unfortunately they'd only gotten a few minutes into the movie when Harry was asking Sally about her great sex with a boyfriend that just so happened to be named Sheldon. Raj turned his head and looked at the Sheldon on his couch to see a red flush creeping up his face. Raj scrambled for the remote as the flush crept to Sheldon's hairline.

"Raj, I would like to return home now. It's laundry night and I need to sort, pre-treat and pre-soak my clothes," Sheldon stated, fighting to keep his calm, as he stood from the couch. Sheldon strode toward the door, confident that Raj was right behind him.

Upon returning to 4A, Sheldon shuffled past Leonard, barely acknowledging him, and entered his bedroom to begin sorting his laundry. He had brought his laptop into his room a few days ago to do some research and it lay open on the small desk beside his bed. He heard the unmistakable 'bloop bloop' of incoming Skype call and turned to see that it was Amy. As he answered he was struck by a plan so brilliant he was surprised he hadn't thought of it earlier.

"Amy, where are you in your menstrual cycle?" he asked, not bothering with any greating.

"One moment," Amy replied, as the sounds of papers shuffling began coming from her end. "Before I proceed though, may I inquire about the sudden interest in my menstrual cycle?"

Sheldon quickly filled in her on the situation with Penny as well as his research about female primates finding their mate more attractive when being courted by another female and how it was heightened near ovulation. Amy nodded and continued shuffling her papers.

"Ah, yes. There it is. Judging by my cycle day as well as my usual cycle length and basal body temperature it would seem that I will be approaching ovulation within the next few days."

"Perfect!" Sheldon replied excitedly. This was going to work excellently.


End file.
